Common Sense Responses
"I've met a guy online. We've chatted and emailed for six months. Now he wants to meet me. What should I do?"

How would your adolescent child respond to this question? It's something that's regularly asked in teen chat rooms on the Internet, and it's interesting to see the kind of advice kids are dispensing to their peers. Here are some responses that lead me to believe teenagers have more common sense than they're given credit for:

"Beware of weirdos! Talk to him on the telephone!"
"Bring along a friend or two."
"Get permission from your parents."
"Meet in a crowded place. Don't go alone."
"Go ahead, but go with your parents."

Still, many parents feel daunted by the dangers of the Web. "How can you police a 15-year-old?" groans one father. "Breathe down his neck every time he turns on the computer? By the time you're that age, aren't you a little old for parental controls?"

How do we help our teens make the right choices? Arm 'em with information and proven strategies.

Research Results
Perhaps the best way to monitor your teen is to set firm limits on the number of hours spent online. Recent research at Pittsburgh's Carnegie-Mellon University links long hours spent on the Internet to depression and isolation, even among those who "socialize" in chat rooms.

"People are substituting weaker social ties for stronger ones," says Robert Kraut, a social psychology professor who headed the study. "They're substituting conversations on narrower topics with strangers for conversations with people who are connected to their life." The result? Instead of forging rewarding connections, participants in the study became more -- not less -- lonely and depressed the longer they were online.

Talking About Chats
Strike up a conversation with your teen about some commonsense rules of the road, such as never giving out names, phone numbers, pictures, or other personal details to anyone online. Get your child thinking about the consequences of dabbling in the forbidden and try discussing individual responsibility concerning inappropriate online content. Try to have an open-ended discussion, not a moralizing lecture.

If your teenager outwardly rebuffs some of your values and opinions, that doesn't mean you're not making an impression. The apparent rejection is annoying but normal -- and it's not a signal for you to retreat or retaliate. Continue to speak your mind about the good, the bad, and the ugly. In the end, the odds are that your child's upbringing and intelligence will prevail: "I know what to do if I feel threatened. I can take care of myself."

Advice from AOL
Internet companies won't stand for bad behavior online. "If someone says something that makes you feel unsafe or funny, take charge," advises America Online (AOL). In chat rooms, AOL specifically encourages participants to "report a problem post." There's a reminder that messages "that are defamatory, abusive, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, racially offensive, or illegal will be removed."