Your Baby's First Months: Becoming Calm, Attentive, and Interested in the World

When your baby was still safely cocooned in the womb, most of your concerns were probably focused on delivering a healthy newborn. Now that he's lying in your arms, however, a whole new batch of questions has surely arisen. How can you help him develop into a thoughtful, kind child? What's the best way to spark his intellectual curiosity? How will you teach him to be insightful?

At this stage of your baby's development, during these first two to three months, the answer lies in helping him begin to learn to be both calm, regulated, and secure and interested in the world around him. He's already likely to be an adept little learner, taking in all the intriguing sights, sounds, smells, touches, and movements that surround him. Sometimes these sensations will excite him, and you may begin to see his eyes widen in delight, or watch him struggle to turn his head as he attempts to see and hear what's going on. At other times, these sensations may upset or overwhelm him and make him cry. When this happens, your continuing relationship with him and the familiar sight of your face, the comforting sound of your voice, and your gentle touch and movements will provide him with a reassuring sense of security that helps him recover his equilibrium.

During those nine months before he was born, your baby was sheltered in the shadowy, muffled environment of the womb and only gradually became aware of certain sensations. He was comforted by the steady rhythm of his mother's heartbeats, whooshes of arterial blood, and digestive rumblings. A range of sounds and their patterns were registering. While there was not a lot to see in the darkness in which he floated, he could sense when his mother's belly was exposed to very bright light. Tastes were beginning to reach him when the diluted sweet, bitter, or sour flavors from his mother's meals crossed the placenta and seasoned the amniotic fluid that he occasionally swallowed. He likely felt some movement, but was cushioned from all but the roughest bangs and bumps until the final weeks of pregnancy, when his quarters became more cramped and his movements were increasingly restricted.

From the moment he took his first breath, your little voyager has begun to take in and organize a much larger variety of sensations. Let's take a closer look at how he already shows you that he's starting to use all his sensory equipment, pay attention to you, and learn how to be calm and regulated at the same time.

During one of those calm and alert periods between feedings and nap times, take a few minutes to fully enjoy all the wonderful things your one-or two-month-old baby is doing as you play with him. Perhaps you'll find him lying in his crib, looking at some nearby toys with obvious interest. As he looks around the room, gather him up tenderly into your arms and look into his wide-open eyes. You might playfully touch your finger to his nose and say, "Oh, what a wonderful nose my big boy has!" You'll probably notice that his eyes will brighten with interest, and you might continue your game by tilting your head to one side to get closer to his little ear. When you nuzzle his ear and remark, "See how soft my baby's ear is!" he may well turn his head in your direction as if he's trying to capture more of the sound of your voice and the sight of your face.

If you next turn your attention to his other ear, giving it a tiny caress as you say something like "And look what's over here—another delicious ear!" your baby will likely try to turn his head while making a little squeal of delight. When you then hold him at arm's length and look directly into his eyes with a broad smile on your face, watch his lips part as if he's trying to imitate your smile. You'll probably welcome this adorable sight with words like "Oh, look at you, trying so hard to smile right back at Mommy!" Next, you might decide to stick your tongue out, because you read somewhere that infants this age are capable of returning such a gesture in a monkey-see, monkey-do manner. As you say "I bet you can do this, too!" and stick out your tongue once again, your baby will probably move his lips in an anticipatory way, as if he's trying hard to copy you. By his third or fourth attempt, the tip of his tongue will probably peek through his lips, and you'll marvel at his sophisticated social skills.

After the two of you have played for a few minutes, your baby may seem to grow a little weary of all the face-to-face interaction, and become distracted by the whir of a nearby fan or by the glare of an overhead light. You can then offer him some more soothing and rhythmically rock him back and forth in your arms. Or you might alternatively let him relax a few minutes, watching him stretch open his mouth in a tremulous yawn or two. After he rests for a few minutes, he may well glance at you with a gleam in his eye, as if to say, "I'm ready for some more conversation!" Then, you can animate your voice as the two of you get back into a lively interactive rhythm in which he seems to feed off the expressions that cross your face and the sounds that come out of your mouth.

As you're playing with your baby, you'll also notice when he seems to need a longer period of rest. This is likely to occur when he's about ready to go down for a nap or when the two of you have been busy interacting for quite a while and you're both a bit tired. Some babies are particularly soothed when they are rocked at the nice, slow beat of your own resting breathing rate of 12 to 15 breaths per minute. Your baby will usually let you know by his cries or wiggles whether he prefers a slower or faster rhythm. After a while you may feel the baby melt into your arms as his muscles relax, lulled by the steady back-and-forth motion. Eventually, you may become aware that his little feet are pressing into your lap, as if he's indicating that he wants to rock some more. His eyes may seem to sparkle with a renewed look of interest as you continue to rock and talk to him. He may even try to track your eyes as you turn your head from side to side, and you'll know that he's once again ready for some interaction.

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