Your Baby's First Months: Why Security and Calm Attention are Important

Your baby's dawning sense of security and awareness of his environment are crucial for proper brain growth, as these early experiences begin to establish important neuronal connections in the brain. We typically think that learning occurs in school or from reading books to our children, but in fact, the very capacity to learn—to absorb information, discern patterns, and take action in the world—is starting in the first months of life.

Initially, your baby's entire world consists of you and your spouse and any other caregivers who are with him on a daily basis. As he's able to take in the sights, sounds, touches, tastes, and smells that are near at hand and still remain calm, he'll gradually take a more and more active interest in exploring his surroundings. His ability to take in and even see patterns in the sensations and experiences created by his environment will lay the foundation for all of his future learning.

Your baby, like all of us, uses many senses at the same time. He is simultaneously looking, listening, moving, and feeling, and sometimes even smelling, tasting, and touching, too. The more your baby is able to make use of information coming from all of his senses, the calmer and more regulated he will feel. Paradoxically, when he takes in more information than he can handle, these same senses can be used to calm himself down.

For instance, when your baby looks at your face, he usually sees it as a source of rich, exciting information. If he could use words and think like an older child, he might think to himself as he gazes at your nose, "What's that funny shape in the middle?" He may register your eyes as "those shiny green things looking at me" and your moving lips and voice as the producers of some interesting noise. But if he should become overloaded after too much looking and listening, those same interesting, exciting "green things" can with your help now develop a warm, soothing look to them that will bring him a measure of comfort. The voice that overenergized him can be lowered, and lull him with calming rhythms.

Learning to Feel Secure
In this way, your child uses his senses and his motor system to take in sensations from his environment that have the potential both to both intrigue and to soothe him. He is able to take an interest in and become excited by different sensations, yet at the same time he can use sensations in the world to make himself feel calm and regulated. A curious, calm, and regulated baby is by definition a secure baby.

Our adult version of security, while far more complex, still has this dual aspect. We rely on such things as cars that run, bank accounts that are healthy, friendly in-laws, good reports from our doctors, and even political leaders who think as we do to help us feel secure in the world. And if these things that we rely on don't work well, we feel insecure. If our bodies—for example, our memories and stomachs—don't work the way they usually do, we may feel especially insecure.

Your baby is beginning to achieve a sense of security by having control over the seemingly simplest of behaviors: being able to find your face with his beautiful eyes when he hears your voice. But this is no mean feat. He has to first figure out where you are and then activate his muscles and turn his head in your direction.

You can imagine how a baby who has difficulty absorbing the gentle sounds of his mother's lullabies might need an extra dose of rhythmic rocking to bring him back to a state of focused attention when he's upset. Similarly, a baby who is overloaded by various sights might have a tough time recognizing visual patterns and determining whether it is Mommy's or Daddy's face that's hovering over his crib. It's much harder to feel safe and secure in a world in which there are no familiar landmarks. Extra soothing will usually help in such situations.

Offering an overloaded baby simple, soothing sights and sounds may help him recover a sense of regulation. By deliberately putting a peaceful expression on your face and a soothing tone in your voice and facing the baby at a distance that is neither too close nor too far from him, you will likely be able to bring him back to a state of calm interest. As he becomes more aware of his general surroundings, he might eventually notice the shiny necklace around your neck or the colorful hat on your head. However, these sorts of items by themselves aren't compelling enough to sustain his interest and keep him feeling regulated for any extended amount of time. He'll be most fascinated by the richness of his emotional interaction with you.

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