Reclaiming the Holidays

Let's reclaim our holidays this season. Cancel our usual holiday stress. Tear up the long shopping lists of things the television commercials have convinced our children they must have to feel good about themselves.

Instead, let's create traditions that feed the soul, traditions that teach our children to be more loving and caring. As parents, let's reclaim our right and duty to teach our children the invaluable human lessons our holidays can provide. This holiday season, let's shed our anxieties and fears about being perfect gift-giving parents and give our children the gift of truly meaningful holiday traditions. Will you join me on this journey?

I want
The most frequently uttered words by children before the holidays are I WANT. Kids are taught to want a lot, and to be disappointed and even angry with parents if they aren't satisfied. I've witnessed children handing their parents toy store circulars with checklists next to all the items they "really, really want". Sadly, I've also seen parents respond with gladness at receiving this order sheet handoff. All that adult anxiety about making a child's holiday perfect has just been relieved.

We've come to believe that our children's holiday joy, and our feelings about being good parents can be bought. How about ringing up a big NO SALE on that belief this time around!

Whajaget?
The one word query most asked by children after the holidays is WHAJAGET? -- referring, of course, to the number and value of the gifts received. And we, of course, have been conned into believing that good parents grant their children's wishes. We've allowed Madison Avenue to train our children to be greedy, unpaid holiday marketing representatives!

Children learn similar "holiday-like" lessons throughout the year. How often does a three year-old's unrelenting screams for supermarket candy result in a treat in exchange for silence? Is this a healthy power we want to give our children? What's the lesson learned?

Thanksgiving = 30 shopping days 'til Christmas
I grew up in Plymouth, Massachusetts and worked as a Pilgrim guide at Plymouth Rock. I know my Pilgrim history and I know what Thanksgiving should commemorate historically. It's not gluttony, football, and fear-producing warnings that there are fewer than THIRTY SHOPPING DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!

The Pilgrim's first Thanksgiving honored friendship, courage, compassion, and faith. It was literally a celebration of life, because half of their number had died during that first terrible winter. The Pilgrims celebrated and were thankful for their good fortune. Isn't this a tradition worth reclaiming?

Treasured moments
I fondly remember participating in a holiday tradition in my Italian grandmother's house. My Nona made special holiday cookies with all her grandchildren. Then she walked with us throughout her neighborhood, distributing these prized cookies and her genuine good tidings. Buona Natale! My wife and I keep that tradition alive today, three generations later.

What were your warmest holiday memories as a child? What made them special? I'm guessing your memories bring you more smiling faces of loved ones than pictures of gifts, more sounds of caring words than sounds of tearing wrapping paper. Would you favor us with your most cherished holiday remembrances? They'll appear in our discussion room and on this parenting channel.

Let your memories carry you back to loving hearts and giving souls. And talk to your children about those times, they really do want to know.

Take back the holidays! You never really gave them away.

More on: Having a Thankful Thanksgiving