Hedging Your Bets for a Happy Holiday

How are you spending your holidays this year? Whether you're staying put or hitting the road, here are some strategies to help your family make the most of this dazzling--and yes, frazzling--time of year.

You're descending on the relatives.

Balance your anxiety about an upcoming holiday visit away from home by reminding yourself what you're giving your children: a safe opportunity to learn lifelong lessons about relationships, forbearance, and humor.

Remind your kids that when they're on someone else's turf, the rules and customs of that territory must be observed. This may involve considerable changes in attitude or routine, so help your family prepare in advance. Will they have to tone down the noise level at Aunt Edna's house? Pay close attention to table manners? Share sleeping quarters with cousins? Discuss these issues in advance to help your family avoid confusion at the other end.

Your flight's been delayed. Now what?

In some airports, stranded passengers while away the hours glued to a TV or a pricey arcade game, but you can be prepared with better alternatives: In addition to coloring books and paperback mysteries, a deck of cards and a set of pick-up sticks are ideal travel distractions. Easily stowed in a backpack, kids can use them to pass time in a corner of the departure lounge. Even high-school and college kids are happy to disengage from the Walkman and plunge into a game of gin or hearts, particularly if there are modest stakes involved.

For travelers of all ages, flight delays can produce harrowing hunger attacks. That long wait on the runway translates into a delayed mealtime once you're airborne, and the interlude can seem interminable. Help kids stave off despair by stowing a bagel, a banana, a bag of pretzels or a box of raisins in their backpacks. Stick with stuff that's no-mess, no-drip... if a snack gets dropped, you'll be living with it (or sitting in it) for the rest of the flight.

Remarriage = a newly configured family.

If yours is a blended family, it's hard not to resist the temptation to recreate an idealized Brady Bunch holiday. Alas, harmony doesn't come easily to kids who haven't grown up together from Day One and many resent a relentless campaign to encourage togetherness. Not every outing has to involve all members of the family. Non-participation shouldn't be a high crime. In their eagerness to have things go smoothly and happily, parents often lose sight of the fact that kids need space--and permission--to retreat and regroup.

The old folks are coming to stay.

When more than one generation comes together under one roof, there's bound to be some interesting chemistry. The resulting script might reasonably be titled "Terms of Endurance." It's a rare family that doesn't have different ideas as to how children should be reared, and that's fertile ground for tension. Advice is mistaken for criticism, opinion received as judgment.

If you've experienced stressful family gatherings before, it's helpful to acknowledge them ahead of time and think about some defusing strategies. One family makes an advance telephone call to enlist the grandparents' suggestions for having a more relaxing time. And don't forget to involve the kids in brainstorming ways to fight frustration or pent-up energy. Walking the dog? Shooting baskets? How about recording a family get-together with photographs or home videos? Who knows, it could provide a lot of laughs later on in the year.

More on: Christmas Activities and Resources for the Whole Family