Heartfelt Gifts
Last year my eighteen-year-old son, Jason, gave his mother a homemade birthday card. It read:
TO BE USED THIS SPRING
A day on Cape Cod with your son.
The day consists of: getting your favorite coffee and bagel on the way down; browsing the shops; taking a long walk on the beach; talking about life; and lunch on me! Then coming home to our wonderful house and family.
Throughout his childhood, Jason has been giving my wife and me his homemade art and poetry, and we have kept all of it. But last year, Jason's personalized offerings of pottery, jewelry, and haiku finally culminated in his most confident, intimate gift. He gave himself...
His mother's tearful smile and long embrace told him he had given her what she cherished most. How could someone so young come to know something so profound? Children will often teach us life's most important lessons, if we are open to learning them.
'Tis the Season
I've always heard this time of the year referred to as the "season for giving." Giving what? To whom?
What's your family's notion of giving--now and during the rest of the year?
The gift of time – the gift of you
Ask yourself, how much time do I spend working, watching TV, exercising, reading, house-cleaning, and doing things with my children? Now, what do I value most?
Shouldn't it follow that we give our fullest attention to those things we really cherish?
Invisible gifts
We give our children honor and respect when we show our appreciation of their uniqueness, of who they really are. We enjoy and note: their sense of humor, loyalty to friends, kindness to animals, compassion, honesty, inventive imagination, curiosity, courage, and persistence. But we still get caught up in the one-dimensional report cards sent home from school, and inadvertently devalue the precious qualities that each of our children possess.
"All season" gifts for Kids
- *Give your undivided attention: Make a regular date to do something alone with your child, say breakfast out every Sunday. Schedule an uninterruptable half-hour story time every Wednesday night. Communicate the same level of enthusiasm and importance for weekly "kid dates" that you do for golf or tennis games, or a favorite television show.
- *Give childhood memories – yours. Show them pictures, movies, old report cards and old letters from your childhood. Talk about what you felt and dreamt about when you were their age.
- *Give your praise and encouragement. Compliment them frequently for who they are: "you really are a kind sister." And support them continuously in their work: "that's going to be your best history project yet!"
Teaching kids how to give
We teach our children best by our own example. We can talk to our kids about a charity's mission as we send off a check, but it's far more effective to take them with us as we volunteer at the local food pantry. Schools, religious and charitable groups, as well as social and civic organizations have many opportunities for us and our kids to become involved in regular giving.
We are responsible for the moral education of our children. We must teach our children that giving to others is something we do joyfully on a regular basis, not just during the holiday season. Our children can learn that giving of themselves is part of who they choose to be, it can be part of their life's purpose.
Giving ourselves is the ultimate gift. Jason gave himself to his mother. And Jason's gift is always ours to give.
