Family Dinner Rap: Christmas Gifts That Money Can't Buy
by Dr. Susan Linn
Talking about Gift Giving
FOR AGES: 4 to 10
"Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo.
What? No gifts?! Even Jo March, from Louisa May Alcott's 19th century classic, Little Women, felt empty at the thought of waking up to no presents on Christmas morning.
These days, though, it seems like children's material expectations around Christmas are out of control. And as parents, we're fearful of disappointing our kids. How often have you found yourself overspending your budget or wasting long hours in line at the mega-mart to satisfy your child's longing for the "hot" toy of the season?
But don't despair -- there's still hope! You can help your children find meaning in Christmas beyond the current buying frenzy. Here are some tips to get the conversation flowing:
THE WORDS YOU NEED The Words: People have different beliefs about Christmas. This is what I believe.
The Reason: Telling kids the religious story of Christmas at an early age, and retelling it as they grow, will help them remember the deeper meaning of the holiday. Even if you're not religious, you can still talk with children about what Christmas means to Christians -- as well as what the holiday means to you.
The Words: People celebrate Christmas in lots of different ways. And some people don't celebrate it at all.
The Reason: Letting children know there are lots of options for celebrating or not celebrating Christmas is a good way to help them develop a sense of our multicultural world. Try to share with them the ways other cultures celebrate Christmas, as well as non-Christian holidays, such as Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Ramadan.
The Words: These are the ways that our family celebrates.
The Reason: Talk with your kids about the roots of your own family's traditions, whether these include attending church services, baking special treats, decorating the house, or visiting with family.
The Words: I know you want that toy, but you're not going to get it this Christmas. Let me explain why.
The Reason: If your child wants a toy that you don't want her to have, tell her ahead of time that she's not going to get it. If your kids believe in Santa Claus, let them know that even Santa won't bring toys that parents don't want their kids to have. If you think a toy is overpriced, poorly made, or not a good use of money, share those perceptions.
The Words: One thing that's hard about this time of year is that we're pressured to buy things. Sometimes it makes me think I want things that I don't really want.
The Reason: Talk with kids about consumerism and how you feel about it. If they're consciously aware that they're being manipulated by advertisers, it may be easier for them to resist temptation.
The Words: Let's think about what Grandma might like this year. What would you like to give Daddy?
The Reason: If Christmas is a time when your family exchanges presents, engage children in your process gift-giving. Help them perceive themselves as givers as well as receivers.
The Words: Do you want to help me make cookies?
The Reason: If some of the presents you give involve your own creativity, your children will learn the value of giving home-made presents instead relying on store-bought items.
The Words: This time of year makes me realize how lucky our family is. What can we do for people who aren't as lucky as we are?
The Reason: Incorporating altruism into your family's Christmas is a good way to help children get in the habit of being socially responsible. It will also help counter-balance your child's focus on getting gifts.
BEYOND THE RAP
Engage your kids in cultural, religious, and traditional activities throughout the Christmas season. Baking gingerbread houses, singing Christmas carols, and making ornaments for a Christmas tree can provide opportunities for children to enjoy aspects of the holiday that aren't driven by consumerism.
Give back
Create family traditions that involve giving back to the community. Shopping for extra groceries to give to a food bank, volunteering with you at a shelter, or donating toys are all ways that even young children can help others.
Give time, not toys
Try to give your children some gifts that are nonmaterial, and encourage them to do the same. Gifts of time together, help with unpleasant chores, or a promise to show more patience may not seem as tangibly gratifying to children as a new CD or stuffed animal, but they plant the seeds of alternative ways to give and receive.
A gift that lasts a lifetime
Our early holiday experiences shape our lifetime expectations of these special occasions. If you begin when your kids are very young to emphasize the religious, cultural, and altruistic traditions of Christmas -- and if you de-emphasize the commercial hoopla -- you'll be giving them gifts that will last far longer than any toys that money can buy.
