Martin Luther King Jr. and Nonviolent Families

by Alvin Poussaint, M.D. and Susan Linn, Ed.D.

A meaningful way that we and our children can celebrate the birthday of the great civil rights leader, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., is to incorporate his legacy of nonviolence into our daily lives. Each time we renew our commitment to resolving conflicts nonviolently, we honor Dr. King's legacy.

Dr. King was leading a major struggle to eliminate racial segregation and discrimination in the South. He quickly realized that the best strategy to liberate black people and gain them the right to vote was to use nonviolent forms of protest. His home base was in Alabama, where he first led the 1956 Montgomery bus boycott because they forced black people to sit in the back of the bus. He knew that any violence on the part of his civil rights workers would lead to violent counterattacks from segregationists; leading to injury and death for his followers. He had to teach his workers not to respond violently to violent provocations. He sponsored workshops to train workers in nonviolent behavior; this often meant falling to the ground and protecting one's head and face when being physically attacked. Dr. King's nonviolence strategy was successful:

• Nonviolence put his followers on the moral high ground and made the brutality of racists very apparent. In this way, Dr. King won many allies and gained passage of the civil rights bills of 1964 and 1965.

• His workers felt proud that they could contain their violence and learn not to hate their enemies. This galvanized the sense of mission of the workers.

• Dr. King was a Christian minister and his turn-the-other-cheek philosophy represented some of the best principles for creating harmony among all people, regardless of race or religion.

• Young people today can learn from King that nonviolent protest and participation in the democratic process are the best means of bringing about change.

• From King's teachings, many of us realize that nonviolence is the best approach to resolving conflict. Dr. King understood better than most people that violence only begets more violence.

  To honor this legacy of nonviolence today in our lives:

• We should avoid fights and physically attacking other people. Everyone gets angry, but violence is an unacceptable outlet for anger. We can help our children avoid violence by acknowledging their anger even while we set limits. Help them learn constructive ways of dealing with strong emotions. Phrases like "I know you're angry, but you can't hit or hurt someone," are helpful.

• We should eliminate the use of violence in our families as a legitimate way to manage our partners and children and establish cooperative ways of interacting. Children learn methods of resolving differences from us, and how we manage conflict within our family. Counting to ten, taking a deep breath, or finding other ways to calm down will help us manage the intense anger that can lead physical violence. After we calm down, we can listen to our child's or partner's point of view, respect their opinions (even if we disagree), and search together for solutions to the conflict. In doing so, we model basic skills for resolving conflict.

• We should support conflict resolution and violence prevention programs in our schools and communities. Find out what programs about conflict resolution are available through your child's school, or within your religious community. If none exist, contact organizations such as Educators for Social Responsibility that create curriculum materials promoting peaceful resolution to conflict.
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